Life IS change!

I asked my Wednesday evening prayer meeting family to pray about whether or not I need to move.  Within two days, I knew it was not in His will.  Ask Him, He will make it clear. Just make sure you are listening!!

So, I have decided to make some drastic changes in my home.  I will make the garage, (Thomas's room) back into a garage.  (no more hail damage on my car, and hopefully, I won't get robbed again.) People won't know if I am home or not.  Then, I am going to make my room into the guest room, and move into Luke's old room. Eventually, I will remodel my one bathroom.  I don't think making this home into a 2 bedroom, 1 bath, will make a difference in later years. (After I am walking the streets of gold....)  Every home around me is a rent house.  Since I am so close to McMurry, investors could buy it for students. Or, McMurry can bulldoze it, and make parking.

Also, I have been conversing with a Master Gardener.  I will be making my front and back yard into a xeriscape yard.  No mowing, just plants.  I will do it in several stages.  Hopefully the first stage in October, then as I have the money and energy.  I plan on completing it before next summer.



Another change:  Thomas is moving to Lubbock.  Praise God, he has an elementary teaching job!  He had a Skype interview with his principal.  (He adored her!)  Within an hour, he received a phone call from Personnel.  He was told that his principal, 'didn't know what he would be teaching, she just wants you on her campus.'  Hurrah!  Someone who sees how wonderful Thomas is, and what a great teacher he will be!  We drove up last week, and took the first place we looked at.  (Another God-thing)  His duplex is almost as big as my home.  However, HE has TWO bathrooms!  There is even a little backyard for Izzy, and a little patio area.  His walk-in closet is as big as my bathroom!  It is in a great neighborhood, and close to his school.  God is GREAT!!

Maybe Luke will even have some time to see me, when I go visit Thomas.  I can only pray.

Change:  As of this time next week, I will have hearing aids.  It is time.  Heredity, since my paternal grandmother had them, my daddy, even my brother.  Thomas is pleased....no more "What did you say?"  I must admit, I am even looking forward to them. More clarity, less feeling left out. 



Meltdown #2

Considering I have been in constant pain since May 26th, I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself.

My first crybaby attack was when I drove to church by myself for the first time after the accident.  It was a Wednesday night, and I was a block from Southwest Park.  A kid in a small pickup in the other lane, had just passed me.  Even though he was behind me, when he slammed on his brakes and skidded into someone's yard, anxiety hit.  I waited until I parked at church before I lost it.  Just the sound of that skid, brought it all back.  I walked into our meal/prayer meeting sobbing.  Everyone was so nice.  Susan H. found me a place to sit, Susan W. brought me my food, Susan T. got my water.  Numerous others came by to give me a hug.  (we do have people NOT named Susan in our church, by the way....)  Beth and Russell said they understood my fear.  I cried all through prayer meeting, and continued it at home. 

I still have difficulty when I see a white vehicle coming toward me, going too fast.  I know that this is something that will eventually go away.  Patience, dear Sharon, patience.

Meltdown #2 was today.  My back is still 'stove up.' I cannot breathe without it hurting.  Which, basically is all the time.  My chiropractor has been working on it, but during and afterwards, I am in such severe pain, I have about decided it is not worth it.  As he said, the car hit me head-on going 50 mph, and the airbag hit me going 100 mph, it is no wonder my back still hurts.  Today, I had enough.  After I left his office, I had a pity party.  I drove home crying and praying.  I suppose God is still wanting to teach me something through it.  But, just between you and me, I am fed up.  This constant pain, each time I breathe, each time I twist wrong, each time I happen to hit the two large hematomas that are left (which could take months to go away), well, I got to my breaking point.  I came home and cried out to God for it to end soon. 

I'm sure there will be more meltdowns before I am 'normal.'  

God truly saved me!

A month ago, on May 26^th, I knew I was about to die.  Looking up, while driving down South 14^th, I saw a white Crown Victoria heading straight for me.  Driving my little Honda Fit, I only had time to say, “God help me! “ then, the crash, the airbags, the windshield coming in on me.  As the airbags went down, I was frantic to get out of my car.  The engine was hissing, the airbags were deflated and hanging all around me, and I was sitting in glass.  I stumbled out of the car, but was unable to catch my breath.  I only had on one sandal, so I stood on one foot, on the hot pavement, leaning over, trying to breathe.  I didn’t realize until much later that the airbag hitting my chest so hard was the reason I could not breathe.  I was gasping for air, and nothing.  Standing there in the middle of South 14^th, I vaguely remember people stopping, cars all around, and thinking, “I’m going to pass out from no air, and get burned on this hot pavement.”  I recognized Scott Sims from Freedom Motors as he grabbed my elbow and asked where I hurt.  I pointed to my foot, and finally made it clear that I needed my other flip-flop.  He retrieved it for me, and then told me he was taking me to the bench on the corner. The whole time he walked me over, he was praying for me out loud.  I felt a peace come over me, knowing that he was sending prayers to my Father.   By the time I got to the bench, a small amount of air was finally making it into my lungs.  My entire torso hurt.  I couldn’t explain which part hurt the most, I could barely get any air in my lungs.  An off-duty Dyess paramedic came up behind me and held my neck still, just in case I had a back or neck injury. Another act of God.

I kept thinking, “I should hear sirens.  McMurry Fire Station is not far.  Why aren’t they here yet?”  I saw a police officer first. He asked very few questions.  Finally the firemen arrived. Eight minutes is a very long time when you are scared and in pain. They wanted to know where I hurt and all I could say was “everywhere.” 

Throughout the shock and pain, I kept looking at my car.  It was demolished.  I loved that car.  Strange things were going through my mind.  “How am I ever going to find another Fit like that?”  “I wish I had gotten my will notarized.”  “I need to let Thomas know.”  “I want Thomas here.”  When I asked the paramedic to call my son, he said, “Just let me get more information.”  A lady standing by asked what his number was, and called to leave a message. God put her there to help me, as well. 

Numerous people, who saw my car, couldn’t believe I walked away without a broken bone.  There is only one explanation for that…God wanted me to live.

I’ve had a lot of time to think, and pray, and ask God why I was spared, over the last three weeks.  I feel like a different person inside…a less angry person…a more relaxed person…a more listening-to-God person.  God has already shown me several things.

 1.) Its okay to be like everyone else.  Since being the only girl at a Boy Scout camp, I’ve felt like I had to ‘stand-out’.  Buying a blue Honda Fit is one way I did that.  Now, I have a ‘grown-up’ car that looks like everyone else’s.  I don’t have to be the center of attention; I don’t have to attract attention.  God needs to be the center of my attention, not me.

2.) It’s time to sell my house and move into a smaller, townhome or patio home.  My kids are grown, and I don’t need a huge yard, and two empty bedrooms that make me sad.  Luke is doing his own thing. Thomas is about to embark on a new life.  It is my turn to buy what I want, not what my kids need. 

3.) When I retire, I want to help Margaret with the Senior Ministry at church.  I was ‘trained’ in that area, worked as the City of Lubbock Senior Center Supervisor.  I feel that God is leading me in that direction.  I even mentioned to Margaret at church this morning, that I wanted to help her when I retire in four years.

4.)  I have more patience with Mom now.  She has trouble walking, is in constant pain, can’t do what she wants to.  The only difference is…I will get better.  She is 85 and won’t.

Malachi 3:6   I, the Lord, do not change…Since the time of your ancestors, you have disobeyed my rules, and have not kept them.  “Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the Lord All Powerful.

Lord, I want to change. I feel like you are working on my heart and my mind each and every day.  Help me know Your Will.  Help me to follow you wherever you may lead me.  I trust in You.  I love You, and I know you want the best for me.  People say that You don’t give us more than we can handle, but that is not true.  You give us more than we can handle, so we can give it all to you.  You will carry it, you will handle it for us, and make us stronger on the other side.  I love you Lord.  I thank you for sparing my life.  I thank you for sending my Lord Jesus to die for me.  Amen.

Jesus is my man!!

Here it is, the day after Valentine's Day, and once again this year....no special man in my life. Oh, WAIT! WHAT am I saying? I have the GREATEST man of all in my life, in my heart and taking care of me each and every day! (Of course it would be nice to have a man with 'skin on." But until God sends me a strong Godly man, I would rather be alone.)

No matter how steep or treacherous the path before you, the safest place to be is by My side. Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Prayer for Neal

Lord God, you know the truth, you know the past and the future. I pray that right now, you will surround Neal with your love, your peace, and your strength. Keep him in Your arms, Father. No matter what happens in the following days, Lord, help him know that You are there for him.
In your precious name,
Amen

Good and bad....

UP...The last month has been like a roller coaster. Luke moved home, and is doing WONDERFULLY!! God has blessed me with him and the changes in him!!

DOWN...Mom is now on a walker, and I have had to make some adjustments in her home for her lack of mobility. It is extremely hard for her to make the adjustment of not being totally independent, with no help from anyone.

UP...Paying off my house....is a wonderful feeling....I was able to do that, following summer school. I am hoping I won't have to work an additional job in the summer EVER AGAIN!!!

DOWN...It's been a rough week, personally. A person I truly trusted in the past...well... seems I was a total idiot in trusting that person. And somehow, it has been turned around to where it is all my fault????? hmmmmm....go figure....

UP....We reported back to school on Monday. What a wonderful year I am going to have! I am teaching what I have dreamed of teaching, for YEARS!! Technology Applications!!! Even better -- this subject doesn't have a TAKS test attached to it!

DOWN...my fav student from years ago went on trial today in Abilene. I pray the truth will come out during this, and the worst will not happen to him.

NOW, I hope the roller coaster stops, and my life will be boring for a while....

What's next....dare I ask?

Since I last wrote...much has happened. My mom went in for a ct scan before hernia surgery in August, and the scan showed an abdominal aortic aneurysm 5 x 4 cm. On August 17th, she had three stents put in. Hernia surgery was performed in October. Since that time, she has had numerous shots in her back, hip to help her arthritis. Then, in the last month, her left leg has swollen from toes to hip. When she went in for x rays, they had to stick her 3 times in her foot to get any blood out. Something is up with her circulation, but doctors are dragging feet. I want my mom well!!!
December 1st, I came home at noon to take mom to a doctor appt, and realized my back door was kicked in, and electronics were stolen, dogs kicked around. Of course, I have a thousand dollar deductible...so I couldn't afford to replace everything. BUT, I work at the most amazing campus on earth, with the best faculty EVER! The 7th grade team decided to take up money for me to replace the other electronics....yes, the day before Christmas break, I received $552!! My colleagues are just awesome!! God has truly blessed me by placing me at Clack Middle School.
Finally got past that....about a week ago, I got online to Breezes Resort, to purchase a wedding gift for an old friend's son. Within a couple of days, unauthorized charges showed up on my debit card.....from New Jersey....I went to Teacher's Credit Union....the customer service person said that the debit card company actually caught it after the first charge. BUT, as of today....$530....has been taken from my account. Credit union said I will get it back, they hope, eventually.....okay, so WHEN???????????? I don't normally have $530 I can do without, ya know...I'm a school teacher....
I'm afraid to ask what is next....all I know is stress is a daily part of my life these days.......I am so ready for some boring days......

Sadness

Horrible news on Friday. I read about the double homicide in the paper last week, never dreaming it would hit close to home for me. Friday morning, I was reading about the APD arresting two men, and the name of one jumped right out at me. .....Yrineo 'Neal' Flores.

I had Neal in the Behavior class his 6th, 7th and 8th grade years at Clack. For the eight years I taught BAC, he was my favorite. Even after he went on to Cooper, he made it a point to stay in touch by calling me in my classroom. Once he graduated, he would come by school to see me, and keep me up to date on his life. He had so much potential; he was bright, good looking,and had a kind heart...but his home life was not the greatest. Neal even came by to see me in December, seven months ago, the day before school was out.

For the last several days, I have been beating myself up...was there more I could have done? Anything I could have said? He will either get the death penalty, or spend the rest of his life in prison. I have been devastated since Friday. Today, during the sermon at church, I realized that Neal wouldn't have stayed in touch if he didn't know I loved him. He wouldn't have talked to me about God, if he didn't want to know more, all those years ago . He used to ask me to pray for him. Maybe I dropped the ball on that one....out of sight - out of mind. I talked to Phil about it at the end of church...I don't know if I should send him a note in jail, or just leave it be. Do I tell him that not only do I still love him in spite of what he did, that God does, as well? Or do I just let it all go?

I just pray that Neal will find my Jesus while he is locked away. That Neal will ask for forgiveness, be healed from his addictions, and learn to live for Him. Neal will be punished, I just pray he will become a child of God before he dies.

Life = changes and adjustments!!!

Okay, much has happened since I last posted.

The roommate Thomas had, turned out to be a major abuser of drugs and alcohol. We moved him out one Monday, moved his stuff home. By Wednesday, I had found him another duplex....a one bedroom, so no roomie problems. He was working that night, so, back to U-Haul I went...and Luke and I moved him in. By Thursday, I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

His new place is amazing...wooden floors, yard for Izzy to 'go' in, cute kitchen, just right for my Thomas.

Last weekend, my darling Luke graduated from Cooper. My brother and family (seven of them) came in from Chicago, and my favorite aunt and uncle were here from College Station. She is my Daddy's sister, and she has the same (weird) sense of humor my Daddy had. It is a joy to be around her. We all went out to the Home Place for dinner on Friday, then to graduation on Saturday afternoon.

I never knew it would be such a relief to see my youngest child walk across that stage. Sixteen years ago, following my divorce, I made a vow to raise my sons as Godly Young Men!! Wow....I guess I am through with the day-to-day hands-on mothering. It's a relief...but much sadness.

Thomas is already living on his own. Luke will be attending Tech in the fall, and is moving to Lubbock to live with his dad and stepmom TOMORROW!! He needs to find a job before school starts in August. He has spent the last two days cleaning his room...yes, it needs it. Don't think it's been clean in over 8 months. You can actually see the rug again...even though the tan color is a bit dingy.

Life is change. Life is adjustment. So many people have said, "Oh, you will have an empty nest. How will you cope?" Do they not understand that I have been the main/only caretaker for the last 16 years? Yes, I will cry tomorrow. But then, life will go on. I will spend the remainder of the summer, reading, working out, going to the pool, learning who I am again! Me - minus sons = who????

I AM looking forward to free time, not worrying about where they are and who they are with. The way I see it....I have taken care of Luke for 16 years...his dad can do it for 2 months, before Luke moves into the dorm. Besides, this is a great opportunity for Luke to actually get to know his dad and stepmom. (good or bad!!) When Thomas spent time living with them several years ago, he appreciated me much more when he returned. In fact, his comment was, "Mom, I always thought you lead such a boring life. Then I went to Dad's, and ya know, BORING is GOOD!"

Tomorrow, tears of sadness that Luke is leaving; joy that my 'job' is semi-finished; relief that I can find out who I am without being someone's mother; and peace in that I did the job God asked me to do.

Forward and Onward!!!

Life certainly goes by fast!!

This weekend was yet another momentous occasion for me. After my run on Saturday, I helped my oldest son, Thomas, move out. He and a friend found a duplex not far from McMurry to share. He is SOOO excited that he has his own bathroom! (Yes, folks, my little 1200 sqft home has three bedrooms, but only one bath to share between us.) It is the cutest thing, even complete with a sun room.

Seems like just yesterday when the three of us moved back to Abilene, from Lubbock, for me to go through Region 14 ESC alternative certification program. It was April 15th, 1994, and I was going to be the permanent sub for AISD in one of the classrooms at Woods Psychiatric. Thomas was five years old, and spending his last six weeks of Kindergarten at Bowie Elementary, my old elementary school. (We even had the same music teacher! ) Now, he is a junior at McMurry, majoring in 4-8 English Education, and is on his own.

Time does fly....I love ya, TC.

I finished!!

Okay, today was another momentous day in the life of Sharon Cochran. I ran a 5K race at Redbud, and finished! It has been over 20 years since I entered a race. (back when I weighed 120 and was a mere 30 years old!) It was funny, I was so relieved when I passed the finish line, I didn't even look at my time! I'll have to check the paper, or the running club site to see how I did. Generally I run about a 14-15 minute mile. Never in any hurry.

Vacation in Austin

What a week! On Tuesday, at 3:30, I drove to Austin and checked into the Embassy for a three day committee meeting. Beginning Wednesday morning, I joined about 20 people to begin revising the TAKS M. What a process! Did I learn a lot this week, not only about procedures but also how tedious the entire process truly is, YES!

I also had a blast! The two folks I happened to be sitting with were from the Panhandle, one from Dimmitt, the other from Plainview. My two partners in crime for the week! We sat together, ate together, hung out together, and complained about the 'showoffs' in the group, together. You know what I mean. Invariably, when a committee is called there are one or two folks who have to talk ALL the time. Those folks want to always have the last word, and want everyone to know they totally believe more in themselves than in the process. Well, our group really had three. So Judy, who is about 4 foot 7 inches tall was ready to take out Brucie, the one who constantly flirted with the TEA folks. I was going to take out Candy, who actually, truly raised her hand each time she had something to say, like a kid needing to go the restroom, (and yes, waited until someone actually called on her.) She was more interested in impressing the Pearson folks. And Paula was going to be Erlinda's to take out. Paula just complained about everything.

If I hadn't had Judy and Erlinda, I think the week would have been extremely boring. We decided if we are invited back, we will insist the other two return as well....or for that matter, if one of us is called back, the other two will just show up, share the free room, and have a great time, without the meeting!!!

Luke turns 18 Friday!!

My 'baby' Luke is turning 18 on Friday!! I came home today and told him that almost 16 years ago, when I left his dad, I remember thinking, "How on earth will I make it through the next years as an only parent? And look, here we are!! You are all grown up!" He was grinning so big!! My baby is almost an adult.

When he was born all those years ago, the night before we were supposed to come home from the hospital, I let the nurses keep Luke in the nursery for that night, since I knew I would be losing sleep once we got home. The doctor came in about midnight to say that the nurses had done CPR on Luke three times and brought him back. Over the next 17 days, my baby was put through numerous tests, sticks, and lived 24 hours a day in NICU. Finally, he was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. He contracted it from someone in the operating room, (he was a c-section) since they tested me, and I didn't have it. I went to see him as often as I could, even though I was not supposed to be driving. They would NOT keep me away from my child. I would gown up, lift him up amongst the wires and tubes and rock him in the rocking chair in NICU. When we finally got him home, I counted 27 stick marks on him. That poor baby.

To this day, Luke has a very high pain tolerance. When he does tell me he hurts, or is sick, I know he truly is!

Luke almost died so many times years ago, that I know God has tremendous plans for his future. He has such a sensitive nature, soft heart and amazing sense of humor, who knows where God will lead him! I am anxious to watch and see!

Happy Birthday my beloved Luke!!! I love you!

Better and better...AMEN!!

Okay, life is good, better, and hopefully it will continue to be. I have made the decision that I have done my best as a mom, and that is all I can do. God put me in charge of raising my sons, and I trusted Him to help me, and I have done so. The rest is in their hands.

I followed Luke and his date tonight. They were heading to Winter Formal, but eating dinner at a friend's dad's house. Luke told me not to worry about pictures, but he seemed a bit pleased when I showed up to take lots of pictures. His date is a girl that was in the next crib during day care after birth...yep! He and Alanna have known each other for almost 18 years. (Luke's birthday is next Friday) Here is a great photo of them!! (wouldn't load, will try later)

Also, since August I have been going to aerobics at McMurry from 2 to 4 nights a week. Over Christmas I really got back into running, from 2 to 4 miles a day. AND I am finally losing weight...woo hoo!! Feel so much better, and better about myself. The exercise does wonders for my emotional and mental health.

Life is looking up!! God is good!!

Praise Him through the storm....

Today was a rotten day. Things are not going well at school, my offspring are going berserko, more high-school-senior costs, I need a vacation with no worries (ha) , I have jury duty on Thursday.. I got in the car tonight and from the radio came the words...."praise Him through the storm...."

Okay, Lord, I got it!!

God opened that door!!

Ya remember when I said, "God closed the door" on working in Technology for the district? Well, I knew he had plans for me, and last night, I believe he showed it to me.

I belong to First Baptist Church, and regularly attend a really awesome Sunday School class. The class is taught by an amazing friend of mine, who has a great sense of humor. (I know, he MUST, he puts up with me!) The folks in the class run a wide range of ages, careers, beliefs, yet, we mesh quite well. Our class is the second 'singles' class at our church.

Over the past year, the 'higher-ups' in our church, have seen that singles are the outreach of the century!! I mean, the population is over 50% single, yet most don't attend church regularly for one reason or another. So, we brought in a specialist to get us started. She came several weeks back and we had two weekends to visit with her.

This past Sunday, we had our first planning meeting. Discussions were about what we needed as far as a Singles Leadership Council, what jobs, when to meet, etc. I got REALLY excited about it! My heart is really in this ministry.... mainly because I wouldn't be such a stable (?) person today, without my Jesus. My motto is....Jesus is enough....and that states it. Even though I am single, and have been for over 15 years, raising a 20 and 17 year old, on a teacher's pay, I have never been more content and at peace in my life. Yea, I have those bumps in the road, sometimes that turn into potholes, or ditches, but He is always there to pull me out. And I am always in better shape than I was beforehand, or have learned what he needs me to learn from the experience. Anyway, all that to say, following the meeting, the pastor asked if I would pray about taking on the chairmanship (chairwomenship?) of the Singles Leadership Council.

When he closes a door, he opens another!! Pray that I follow HIS will, and not my own, in this, if it is what he wants me to do.

Mom seeing her 'boys'

Here is my mom with my best friend from high school/college, Jerry. Mom was in heaven, seeing her 'boys', catching up with their lives, hugging on them, and walking around our 'home' with them. She laughed more than I have heard her in a long time!!

It was good for all of us to see one another. It's been many years since I had seen Jerry, Sam, and Brad. Ef and I used to work together for the City of Lubbock.Probably 30 years since I'd seen Drew and Gary!! And we STILL recognized each other! Of course, since I was the ONLY girl, they all knew ME!!

Family Forever

My brothers, Efren, Sam, Drew, Brad, Jerry, and Gary. There were others who were unable to attend. We went through Camp on Saturday, along with my mom, and others who did not spend the night. All gathered at Buffalo Gap for some great fried fish, onion rings, and 'bean things'. Later, at Abilene State Park, the women helped Sam put up his tent...while Ef, Drew and others started the campfire. Then we spent many hours, telling stories, funny things that we lived through together.. laughing and remembering.

Then, Sunday morning...oh my! I was the LAST one up. Do you know what it was like to WATCH men cooking for me!! They took care of me!! That was different!! Pouring my coffee fixing my meal...WOW!! I felt special!!

It was an amazing, fun-filled, relaxing weekend. Yes, I slept in the back of my car, while the guys stayed in Sam's tent or the shelters. (it was cold out, and I stayed VERY warm!!

Hope this becomes a tradition!!

Woo Hoo!! What a hoot!

Returned from my reunion...I haven't laughed that much in ages!! Will write more later and add photos...nothing like reminiscing, campfires, putting up tents, hiking, and laughing with friends you've known since childhood....

I can't wait!!

Woo Hoo!! On Saturday, I am going to a reunion with some of my favorite folks on earth!! All my little (and older) brothers! As most of you know, I grew up as the only girl at Camp Tonkawa. It is located near Abilene State Park, and my dad was the Camp Ranger. (Boy Scout camp) My little 'brother' Jerry decided it was time for all of us to get together...been about 30 years since we have all seen each other.

During the 70's we had a blast each summer. I just 'got through' the school year, but 'lived for' camp. These guys probably knew me better than anyone I went to school with. I have stayed in touch with a lot of them, even worked in the same office with one, when I lived in Lubbock. No, never dated any of them. (knew them too well, they knew me too well)

So the reunion is almost here, and I am SOOOO excited!! We are bringing photos of our family, photos from our old times, and will just hang out at the park and get to know each other again. And of course, we will have to go into the Gap to the'beer garden' and have some fish....just like old times.

So, look for the pics next week right here!!